INSIGHTS

I have been running around like a headless chicken and suffering from a huge dose of insomnia. Due to this I have been very much online with Twitter and the likes there of. No wonder on Wednesday night I got a little tweet to tell me about the events unfolding in Mumbai. I was shocked, horrified and dismayed.

Staying up till the morning [or rather not sleeping at all] I tracked events and at the same time felt helpless without satellite news and a working internet connection. Thank god Twitter can be easily accessed through your phone and as most of you know I can be highly addicted to my phone.

But this is not about twitter, though it was the first to bring the breaking news to people across the globe. Big thumbs up to citizen journalism and yes there is a place in the world for you guys but I have to say it is restricted to breaking news.

This is about the thoughts and horror stories that filled my head while watching events unfold. And know that its still happening 2 days on.

My first thoughts were of course who is claiming responsibility for these attacks. Will they again go after the usual "Muslim Terrorist" - those crazy fundamentals? Will India blame Pakistan for the attacks? Can this lead to a nuclear war? [Not forgetting that India and Pakistan both have nuclear warheads lying in their backyards]. Also was this was turning out to be India's 9/11. What action will the country take? Those questions can't be answered as yet since the gun battles are still going on. Attacking the Taj and Oberoi hotels was extremely clever planning and these gunmen were definitely not 'normal' islamic terrorists. Precise planning and tech capabilities are allowing them to run havoc in the financial capital of India.

Worrying as this all was I was sad that I was missing from the action. I was actually wishing I was there reporting being in the thick of it all. Reminded me of the adrenaline rush I felt during May this year in South Africa, when the xenophobic attacks were happening.

No I am not saying that I condone the attacks. I CONDEM it completely but as a journalist its in my blood to want to be there, to feel the adrenaline coursing through my veins. To let it all subside and to let the tears come at the horror that you see and witness. I am human and tears will be natural for I am a girl with feelings. But I would still want to be there. I want to tell the news and I want to tell it as it happens. If it was not for those witnessing it first hand I would not have heard about it till the next morning like a lot of my friends.

Where am I leading with all this?

Well no where exactly. Its just me putting my thoughts down and letting you all know about it. Its me agreeing that citizen journalism rocks for breaking news. Its me showing that I'm a little crazy wanting to be in the thick of things and not caring about my own self. Its just all about me.

On another note on me, another reason I have been running around without a head [see first line on chickens] is I'm writing a few articles for World Aids Day on Monday. Have you ever tried coordinating an article with a round up from all parts of Africa?

Yicks its an intense hard process, but I pulled it off. Now its wait and see if the editor loves or hates it. [hoping loves it!!!]

Its hard doing these stories. You meet people living with the virus who give you hope and show you that love exists and then you meet others who make your heart break into a million pieces.

Hoping to have something written up for my blog on Monday. All depends on the madness that will arise with my stories from today till Sunday night.

Be safe everyone

And my condolences to the families in Mumbai and to everyone effected and affected with HIV/AIDS!!!

Peace

PS: and there was the #27Dinner this week…awesome people out there. Photo Credit to Za5

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The last week and this have been a crazy time and I know its not going to be any easier. My darling cousin got proposed/engaged to a friend of mine which is brilliant for me – I think. You maybe wondering why I wrote it as ‘proposal/engaged’, well that’s because I realized that to me it all means the same. I personally think that we – Indians – have a tendency of wanting to do too much. They come see the girl, then they come propose, then they have engagement, then its mendhi before the wedding, and even maybe a qwaali [think I spelt that wrong but it’s a music night or something], then its kataam night for the Muslims [were the Qur

an is completed to give the new couple blessing] AND THEN is the wedding…and walimah. So the problem was that none of us knew what to call this little event that took place. The boy’s side came and they put the ‘chain’ so I’m calling it an engagement…

Another thing that I maybe at fault in doing is that I’m looking too much into this thing. You lost as to what I’m talking about right? Well I mean it’s my fav cousin [who is only 6months my junior] and a friend of mine who I get along with brilliantly. So it should work out perfectly …right? Or maybe not. [I am not talking about their marriage here but about my relationship with them]. I mean who am I to think that I can 24/7 hang out with them when they all married. Eish the issues lol but I’m over glad its them together. They happy and good together and the advantage is that I can barge into their home when ever. **big grin on my face**cheeks and all**

Though people are thinking that I would be next since she got hitched but I keep reminding them that I’m not ready for it nor do I want it right now. “I have too much to do and too much to see.” But they have it stuck still in their heads that I will casually find someone all of a sudden and get buckled. Like I mean do they not realize that my life is now definitely off on a tangent to another place? At one stage I may have welcomed the fact that I would find someone or had found someone to settle down with, but recently I realized the more I stayed away from home and the more I got to know me, the more I didn’t want it. Don’t get me wrong… if someone comes along and its meant to be it will be and I will not stop the process, but right now I will definitely not see what is in front of me because I choose not to. I choose to see what life has to offer me with out the need of having to have a better half. They say the better half would complete me and that I will see the world with him in a different light but I want to see it in the light that belongs solely to me. “Mine all mine.” Selfish as that may sound I know that if I didn’t try to do everything I wanted to now I would regret jumping into something I don’t want at the moment.

“I will get married to the one I want and need, when I want and need him, not before and not after.”

[maybe one day I will choke on those words but till then I will live with it!]

On to more brilliant and informative issues. I have come to realize that the world is a whole lot of superficial hogwash. Economic crisis, financial meltdown, food crisis, climate crisis, war crisis, nuclear crisis…damn only CRISIS’!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now really [come to think of it why would you get married and have kids with all these crisis’?] is this what the world is coming to? At the moment with the job I have I seem to be only coming across the bad in the world. Its making me grow a thicker skin that I feel I am loosing myself. I’m at that point were if I don’t step back these issues and the human suffering that comes with it will wash of my back and mean nothing to me. Its like watching the bad on tv continuously so that it goes in one ear comes out another and that you don’t give a flying F^%k what happens. “if its not me or my family why should I bother?” Emotionally detachment from all that surrounds you.

With out human emotion there is no love, no hope and no promise of a better tomorrow…

PS: wonder if anyone got my title ;)

PPS: Watching the US elections closely…finally stretch…what surprises are in store?!?!? Anyone?

And have you noticed how the elections are overshadowing the financial meltdown? Attention has moved away from the bail outs and are now on Sarah Palins phathetic attempts at dressing and economics….Palin and Bush = Dumb and Dumber :P

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I've been ordered by BiBi to write again.
You may be wondering about the long and lengthy absence but I've been a tad disinterested in life at present. Trying to manage through to the end of Ramadan was not that difficult. The idea of going home for Eid was making it all the more easier.

But my concentration has been shot out the window/door/house/building. And this has left me in limbo not knowing where to go and what to do. Also other factors have been steadily creeping back into my life. No matter how hard I try to keep them away. Some one told me the reason for it was I never dealt with it when I should have at the right time and that’s the reason they coming back. But is there ever a right way to deal with anything?

So noting that I decided to finally start getting back on track. Been reading loads of blogs even though I have not written any in awhile and some have been profound and have started making me rethink life. Others are there just to put a smile on my face :)

Getting back into the blogging world again... what is there really to write about? What would I say that could make any difference? Why would anyone want to even read my stuff?

Then I realised I write what I want for myself. Like most of my fellow bloggers at the moment are doing. So what is it that I want to say?
Should it be important or whimsical?

I think I rather leave it as a mash up of thoughts and ideas. So this is a very much mash up and quick recount of what's been happening.

Ghana as previously shouted was awesome. You can catch the pics here.

Nothing beats travelling Africa and I hope to continue doing it.

Something that has caught my total attention has to be the huge American market rescue. With them failing so has ours. But the thing is why the F&^king H&ll are we still so economically attached to a floundering one. Have our markets not learnt since the great depression and so. Another thing if we have other markets which are now such awesome leaders why should America matter to us?

Then again I never studied ecos so I would have to ask for further clarification by my more competent friends on explaining the reason the rand is weaker to the dollar if the American market is collapsing?

In another direction…following on the Ever-Greats post on choices and loved ones…it got me thinking would I ever do anything that was a good choice?
What's a choice? Is what's good in my eye good in another's?

Will blog again… soon soon
Ciao

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Trying to write something of substance for my blog is like shooting in the dark -- a needle in a haystack but that’s me. I write when and where I want to if I want to. Normally it would never be a problem but these days there is so much that I want to write but I can't get around to doing so or finding the time to even contemplate doing it.

I thought that I would finally get some me time to fiddle around and expand my horizons since starting my new job, but none of that has been possible. I was first thrown in the deep end to cover the Southern Africa Development Community summit, which included meeting some presidents and writing a story on something I did not know about but I should have, since it affected women in southern Africa. The Gender Protocol was signed that weekend but it was barely mentioned in any of the papers or televised programmes. And meeting new people. Loads of new people and finding out that one of them has ulterior motives to knowing me. Learning to give that person a cold shoulder and learning that I need to invest in a fake wedding ring. Yah all that in four days. Totally interesting if not the most profound experience.

Now I'm being shipped off to Ghana and I can't wait for the experience, but o boy do I have lots to catch up on. When I was first told that I was going it was to be in the capacity of a spear writer in case it was needed. Now I have started two articles for the forum --- it’s the 3^rd High Level Forum on Aid Effectiveness --- and I know there should be about three more to write. All this while trying to keep my first week of fast for Ramadhaan is sure going to be interesting in the least.

I love different countries and places and I hope I can fit in some touring. If not I will have to be satisfied with meeting tons of new people as per usual. Makes me wonder what else will get thrown my way when I get back.

I know I have few heady plans in the pipeline after Ramadhaan. Eid is going to be as crazy as ever. Mid-week taking leave and going home is going to be crazy and then coming back and having to work that Friday.

On to something a bit distant and arb. At the SADC summit a fellow journalist and myself were disgusted with the behaviour of a few colleagues' from Swaziland. As many of you know Swaziland is a country ruled by a monarch. So as journalists you oppose rulers who feel it is their right to control the media and its people, especially one such as the Swazi Monarch. Fine we understand if you work for the media controlled papers, radio station and television studios. We understand you are made to follow rules and regulations. But when you stand and praise your monarch in loud voices instead of doing your job as you should, you earn the disrespect of your fellow journalists.

Asking them why they did that was like insinuating that we knew better. No we don't. We are also humans and we also make the same faults but what they did was outrageous and unprecedented. I had never before experienced something to that effect and I hope never will I.

I am not saying that what I do is right but to stand and holler while your own camera is rolling footage makes you wonder if not everything is just an act.

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In the last month so much has come and gone. Yes to all my readers who I have neglected I am sorry.

It’s been a hectic month of running after stories, job hunting, interview pressure and excitement at being offered a job I would not have thought I was the best candidate for.

I have been offered the job of junior journalist at Inter Press Service Africa [www.ipsnews.net]. This is indeed a step up from being the Mail & Guardian intern but the one thing I have to say is that being an intern at the M&G is not like being an intern anywhere else.

Your job description on paper may say intern but in reality you one of the journalists working at the M&G. You are treated no differently and are expected to produce good, quality material at all times or when ever asked of you. I have learnt to write under pressure or relaxed. I have written hard breaking news and features. I have done stories of human interest, global issues, technology and economic issues. I wrote on subjects I had no idea about and through this have learnt a whole lot more.

I am ever grateful to the team at M&G who have nurtured me through the last year. The ones who put their trust in a very fresh young journalist who still needed to learn the ropes. The friendships I have forged with the team I will eternally hold on to.

Now on to the wide world. IPS will be amazing and challenging to work for and honestly … I’m thrilled at the prospect. With IPS there is also the opportunity of international recognition and the hope of travel.

I have the travel bug real bad and this may help that a little. Being based in the Africa office though that will be limited to stories in Africa but I don’t mind. I can honestly not wait.

Hopefully I don’t fall flat on my face though…but come what may I really look forward to it.

This last month has also seen other developments. I have become attached to my social mediums and have learnt that people I thought I knew are not the ones I really know. I have learnt that sometimes your friends are the ones you least expect. A few past friends have now renewed their friendships with me…makes me wonder why they stopped in the first place and I question their motives now but I gladly open my arms to them as we all have been through to much together not to. But I’m glad for these life lessons.

I’m so going to miss everyone here at M&G…

Love you all lots!!!

XOXOXOXO


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Been doing a little soul searching lately and came to the realisation I didn’t want to search my soul. The more I think and try to look for answers the more I loose myself. So what may come will come. I have made this decision before on numerous occasions but hopelessly I must admit never kept to it much. I fight with things that come my way and don’t let the inevitable happen as it should. But I guess that is my nature and that is what I have learnt in the past few years.

Though I wonder if there is a way I could have learnt things better. Or some times learnt the real lesson that needed to be learnt and not the other which is really meaningless to my existence.

Does life ever change?

The best thing some one said/sent to me in the last few days was:

“It's all a learning process. The day you stop learning is the day you start becoming irrelevant ;-)”

I guess then that come what may I most probably may or may not repeat the same mistakes over and over again and the day I start realising that I have learnt the wrong thing from that mistake and that’s the reason I keep repeating the mistake is the day I learn more then I had before.

(That some how made complete sense in my head!!!)

Thank you to the dude who gave me the most gorgeous bunch of flowers this past weekend. Will post a pic soon. And they are my favourite flowers. Thanks for brightening up my mood everyday I come home and see them.

Right now to the more important thing…

EURO 2008

I’m loving the ball that’s been played in the tournament so far. With the surprises and the quality on display its no wonder that the Euro’s have is the next most watched event after the Football World Cup. And may over take that in a few years (or even this year – we will await the figures after the tournament).

Turkey last night from the little we were able to watch was sublime and all credits to Germany who were able to contain the continuous onslaught to come out victorious. This I must remind you were a second string Turkish side as most were out through suspension or injury. Turkey you do your country proud.

The semi tonight is going to be just as spectacular. My friends keep reminding me not to forget the Guus Curse – the ability by Guus Hiddink to take the minnows of every tournament to the semi-finals. And boy can Russia produce some upsets. Spain may have beaten them in the round robins but this is a changed Russian team. They playing the type of football we use to seeing from countries like Italy and France who are not in the semi-finals this time around. I for one will not underestimate them or their talent.

(o and on the pic was too lazy to look for bigger image lol and hey killa its for you :P )

**

Next point:

Been doing some amazing stories lately and loving the thrill of deadlines. Though I’m in the market for a new job I’ve also found two other passions and have been pursing that a bit as of late.

Maybe its something that will ultimately just be more of a nothing then a something but I’m learning that I still have the ability to learn – and who said you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. Lol

The first passion I’m sure people have caught on already… I’m becoming a bit of a social medium whore – and I love it.

You guys can find me on Twitter, Plurk, Facebook, Friendfeeder, and a few others I will not divulge as yet. I’m loving the interaction and sociability that I’m finding through these different platforms. The people I meet also have imparted more valuable knowledge then they realise. I’ve learnt more about my blog and how to blog and about sites and arb information I’m sure most of my immediate friends would never know or would not even care about. I’ve also made the most amazing friends through these mediums and for me that’s a total added bonus.

My other passion is something though I will keep as my secret for now…

But keep your ears open to the sounds of the underground ;)

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I'm not sure how exactly to start this post. Maybe a little advertising and marketing may be the key here. Here goes:

A very talented person who has been trained in the media field is looking for a future job. This individual will soon be at odds with the position she currently fills. She (yes, she it falls under the BEE policy) has come to the cross roads of her life once again. Apply to remain in the place that has trained her well in the last year or to broaden her horizon and see what the future may hold. Anyone knowing of anything in her areas of expertise please contact her. Thanks

Yah so I’m back at the cross roads of my existence and unfortunately unsure of what decision would be the right one. Hopefully the next week will open my eyes to what would be the best for me but ultimately I need to grow up and make a decision that would be in my best interest.

The positions that are available seem to be out of my depth but then again what is my depth? That question has been bugging me. What if it’s in fact perfect for me and my career and I’m just being stupid by bringing myself down. What I do know though is that these options are short on the things i love doing.

Reporting breaking news, and having time to write features, technology and gadgets as well as the internet is a passion. Social media is also my addiction but these positions are short on those aspects, which mean that I may be lost to the future of the growth of social media in South Africa. Something that I have a passion for, though I may not know the nitty grittys of it.

I love the work I do. The last two weeks showed me why I love it that much, and hate it at times as well. But that is only natural. A love – hate relationship is what most jobs are based on I guess. But discontent was never part of the jobs that I do.

Maybe I’m analysing this too deeply and I should just take what comes my way.

Hope I can do J

On another note I would love to thank my friends who came together to give what little and to help those who needed it more then ourselves. To those who pitched in and help put the cutest smiles on kids faces – a BIG BIG BIG thank you.

To those who leant their support at the camps --- an even BIGGER thank you goes to you.

Love you guys.

XOXOXOXOXO

PS: I know that my Boss or future Boss most probably is reading this but hey at least you guys know what i feel...right???? Don't take it the wrong way though :) if you are please come and talk to me I promise I will explain better in person :)

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These last two weeks have been the most argonising one that I have experienced in ages. I turned to journalism for the reason that presented itself in the last week. Xenophobic attacks, displaced people, pure utter thugery all in my own back yard. I would never have thought it possible. I honestly thought one day I would be travelling to OTHER African countries to cover stories like this.

Now I get to cover it without stepping off my door step…

Makes you wonder --- doesn’t it?

These same people who think its okay to beat up innocent people need to take a look at what they really trying to achieve with their nonsense.

I mean – do people know that this has been the first necklacing (where pple are burnt to death by a tire round their neck) since Apartheid – almost 20 years ago!!!!!

Has South Africa lost its soul?

There are many reasons as to why this seems to be happening and even though it may have started as Xenophobia its honestly changed to something worse -- feels amazingly evil. When have you ever seen Johannesburg city dead at night???Never!!! But its become like a ghost town of late. Mobs of youngsters inciting violence and also just looting for the fun and sake of it. That to me is definitely not Xenophobia.

I went to the refugee camps and I was brought to tears to see young children who have been born and schooled in South Africa asking “Why is this happening?” with the heaviest South African accent I have heard. Innocents with the only fault that their parents are not from South Africa. “Can you brings us chocolates and biscuits and colouring books when you come again?”

That’s all they ask for even though they are now living with out a roof over their heads!!!! In make shift tents in the grounds of Jeppe Police Station they stay with their mothers and other children, while their fathers or older male siblings stay in the cold under the night stars.

Huddled together for warmth I find a group of Zimbabwean blind people who are in dire need, as what ever blankets that were distributed they were forgotten about in the ensuing stampede. They are blind they cannot reach the people handing blankets out -- they are the forgotten!!! When do we ever turn on the disabled????? I read a letter written by them to the South African people --- do you know what they say --- They THANK us for allowing them to beg to gain a little money!!!! They Thank us!??!?!?!?!? Do we not get it?!??!?!?

There’s a group of people dancing and singing praising the Lord… they don’t do it because they happy, they do it because they hope something better comes from it…they do it so that they can find a way to stay warm…they do it because there is nothing else they can do while they wait for help.

Given only four slices of bread for the day these people are starving, destitute and with the weather conditions the way they are at present most likely to freeze to death.

Anyone wishing to help in any way you can contact:
Islamic Reflief and Gift of the Givers are based in Mint Road, Fordsburg and take donations at their offices. Alternatively Gift of the Givers has a huge truck taking donations outside Village Walk in Sandton today until about 6pm.

Or MAIL ME: zahirakharsany[at]gmail.com

Anything welcomed including your time as only 10 volunteers were present at Jeppe when I visited.

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No this is not a post on the Euro 2008 though I am looking forward to it but the picture has some meaning below...

People say that to blog you need to do it more regularly and on a continuous basis. But some people forget that not everyone is privileged enough to have access 24/7.
Why this train of thought...well if I had the access i would be religiously publishing everything that happens in my life all the time and for that matter voicing my opinions more on the fact that I have an opinion.

But back to the reason of this ‘outdated’ blog. I have so much anger and frustration pent up in me that I have decided to do something physical. Yes I have taken up football. Now as most of my guy friends would know…I can kick the ball, I can pass the ball, I can foul a player, but I CANNOT for one sec run with the damn ball. God alone knows why so many years down the line I finally decide to take up the one sport I have the biggest passion for.

I’m not ashamed though I don’t think I would ever want my ‘guy’ friends to come see me play (well until I become more confident in my atrocious skills). But damn since I can no longer swim in Johannesburg due to the falling temperatures I sure need an outlet for my energy.

O which reminds me the damn Eskom and their tariff hikes as well as the fact I don’t experience load shedding does not mean they have let us (my house and those on our road) off easy. We suffered two power surges which has left us without a television and microwave (though the micro has been fixed now) and no cellphone chargers as well. The idiots forget we rely on these basics. Let me explain…for the week in which the micro and lights went we were resigned to having to warm up small amounts of food in the oven which uses more electricity ---stupid stupid Eskom and City Power. The next surge left us without a television.

Yes we still have no television but thanks to Joe I have series and movies to watch, which helps but every time I want to watch sports I need to find somewhere else to do so. (Anyone with a spare tv to lend me???) Generally this would not be an issue, since I have been catching UEFA Champs league with the guys from the Swoosh blog but when I want to check the home grown football (which is really exciting this season seeing as the top three are not the high flyers and the title race is wide open) I cannot :P fooey. Eskom makes my blood boil but when we lodged the complaint we were surprisingly notified that the reason was some idiots had cut the wires and stolen the copper cable. Eish and the situation just seems to get worse by the day.

Some facts…

1. Eskom doesn’t ‘foresee’ the future and the government doesn’t build new power stations.
2. Eskom decides the only way to help the current situation is to Load Shed.
3. Eskom then realises to do even more a ‘necessary price’ hike is required to fund the building of a new power station and to buy power from other countries like Mozambique.
4. Poor people feel the pinch in their pockets and start protesting against immediate hikes.
5. Some idiot trying to get a little money to feed family (I’m assuming he is doing this for good reasons and no other) steals the copper cables so that he can resell them and the chances that Eskom ends up buying them back is great (I did an interview so its likely).

Now all this combined with the fact that we need power to live our lives – our everyday lives – leaves us all a little hot under the collar. O wait did I forget to say that its OUR fault we short on power and because WE don’t help by turning off appliances WE will be living with this situation for a good couple of years.

GO FIGURE!!!!!!

O btw ever wondered what your Brazilian football name would be? Well if you want to know go check ut BrazilianName. Leave the name and your shirt number in my comments if you wish :)

Another thing which seems to be a bit of a bother is the annoying fact that I’m single and okay with it. People have this idea that I should have someone and guys should be lining up but in truth they are not and I am comfortable with the fact. I think the only real problem is the occasional longing one may have but that is natural especially after coming out from a long intensive relationship. (Yah I know you cynics its been over a year but fooey I like being single right now!!)

I long and wish for better things but I’m only human (and a woman amazingly) so its natural but it does not mean that the next person who comes along I will fling myself at them. To me right now that’s no more important. I want to just follow my dreams to see were life takes me.

No I am NOT saying I will not get married, what I am saying is the urgency that may have been there 2 years ago no longer exists. Neither am I saying I will not meet people because for my parents sake I should (since I aint getting any younger) but it still means that there is no rush. When it comes and it’s meant to happen it will and I will stick by that philosophy through and through.

Oi Dude – yes you – I know you reading this --- I am not Scaring you away --- don’t runaway now – stay don’t go and you never know there still maybe hope…

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NOT SURE WHAT THE FIGHT IS ABOUT ANYMORE....

Sitting in the forum held by the South African Human Rights Council (HRC) regarding recent issues on the Forum of Black Journalist (FBJ) and their subsequent fight with Talk Radio 702, I wondered whether anyone really understood the matter at hand.

The fighting between the two over spilled into a right on attack at each others character. Punches thrown (figuratively), blood shed and in the end no sign of the matter at hand.

Sure 702 had a right to file a complaint at the racial exclusionary manner of the FBJ and sure the FBJ had in return every right to have their voices heard, but the slander on character I really could not understand.

I for one am all for the FBJ. Yes go have a forum for black journalist’s, yes go do good, but yes (damn it) OPEN your doors to whoever wants to attend so that you can all work together to improve the stature of black journalist’s. The FBJ’s exclusionary policy is ineffective and maybe more detrimental to the upliftment of black journalists in the long run.

I’m a young journalist and the slinging match did nothing but make me feel as if I was let down. My idea that unity helps to bridge what has happened in the past seems to be a false utopian hope. I sat there in bewilderment watching people I felt and believed so strongly in making me want to be a journalist; degrade each other that I wondered if I had in deed chosen the right profession.

Journalism for me is to report on the truth and to have voice for those who do not have one. Also to act as the fourth estate. (right?!?!?!?)

But when you here that a certain group of media powerful had a closed meeting with one of the most powerful and influential people in SA, the African National Congress President Jacob Zuma, it makes me wonder if there in fact was an ulterior motive. Sure nothing may have been said or done but the fact that the FBJ excluded others from such a luncheon will make any conspiracy theorist wonder what the TRUTH is.

Anyway now that the ball is in the HRC’s court (so to speak) we will see what happens.

Here’s a full recap on events…

How it started:

Storm brews over journalists' forum

Racism and the media: 'We're not out of the woods'

Questioning division

Take a read at Ferial’s piece in last weeks M&G

Change starts at home

Yesterdays round up:

Don't cry no tears, FBJ tells 702

Anyway on a different note…I am highly excited at the moment…My first full page article will be in the M&G paper tomorrow wooohoooo…though its officially not my first one I have written before, this one means more to me and it counts more.

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Another long delay before time was given to writing this piece…

There have been various things happening over the last two months. We had Polokwane, Eid, Xmas and New Years. I had my holidays in between and boy was life eventful.

The usual mad rush at the end of the year is expected but throw in the curve ball of the ANC elections and they sure up the tempo. So Jacob Zuma is ANC president and he has been sentenced to a trail by the media till his court appearance in August, I’m sure all of this was as expected. Whether he is guilty, or not or even guilty by association we should honestly leave it to an unbiased court to decide. The ongoing media reports are sure influencing the majority of people in the country and the question will be how to we live with the situation if he is in fact not guilty? The way things are going in most of our heads we have already found him guilty…I wonder what the outcome of the court case will be.

Zuma may have his faults and may or may not be guilty of the fiasco of the arms deal but trying him before the public (through the media) even before his actual court date would be wrong on any part, especially by South Africans who seemingly believe in the justice system. If we wish to have any faith in the justice system we should leave it to them and investigators and judges and lawyers to play their part in the final act.

On another note has anyone any idea on what the actual policies discussed at the conference are and what part do they play in our future? These same policies will be the most important things we look at the next time we go to ‘make our mark’ in the national elections (in 2009). Most of us have no idea what was in fact discussed. The focus was mainly on the presidential race and now on Zuma and his problems. Personally I for one would like to know what economic stance the ANC will be following as well as what social developments and attitude to health will be.

Interestingly the US presidential hopefuls are in the midst of their elections. The focus greatly on the two Democrat candidates – Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton. Is this a suggestion that the tide has changed so much so that people want a Democrat even if they maybe black or a woman. (Is the US ready for such a change?) The republican hopefuls are also having their very same elections but all you see in the media are the Democrat hopefuls. Interestingly the same close race between the Democrats can be reflected in the republican elections, except they both men and white – one a pastor, the other an out of favour senator.

The policy decisions made by any future president of the most powerful nation in the world will undoubtedly play a major part in the rest of the world – are we, the world, ready to be ruled by a black man or a white woman?

In other news – yes I feel like reporting – it was good going home to the family for an extra long holiday. Eid was as amazing as ever. Slaughtering is an experience that always leaves me on another spiritual level. Sublime may be the word I’m looking for and no that does not make me want to see more blood, just the whole getting involved and knowing why you partaking -- is the ultimate.

Going home was the thing I needed the most. Jhb has left me feeling out of sorts and not me at all. The beach is what was needed with a good few days spent there lying in the sun and getting burnt (yes I’m Indian but I enjoy the heat and sun). The home fires were the usual as well…what with the usual sibling arguments and the parental conflicts (yes with me involved) nothing seemed to have changed – except me. Wonder if Jhb has finally caught up with me.

The feeling of being in limbo was a massive shock. Not knowing in which direction I was heading in Durban and being back in Jhb doesn’t seem to make a difference. Work keeps me busy but the lack of motivation or a reason is scary.

Mmmm maybe I just need to take life by the hand and lead it unto sunset…

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Yesterday seemed to be another passing day the only significance to it was the fact that I some how managed to turn a year older. But as my friends say I never grow up. I wonder…is it possible to get older but stay young?
This train of thought naturally leads me to one of my all time favourite books…Peter Pan, the boy who never wanted to grow up. Sounds a bit like me but the whole move to Johannesburg has changed that. I’ve grown in leaps and bounds and have found out the hard way that I really cannot tolerate most women (or rather I cannot tolerate them while I live with them).
The freedom also has gotten to me but I miss home enough to be excited with the prospect of leaving and driving 600km on my own just to see home again.

Anyway on a different note…you know we always ask ourselves what models really get up to… well moi had the pleasure of some how being chosen to do a little short photo-shoot session (along with a few others from M&G) for our advertising and marketing feature on the M&G Cabinet Report Card. I set out with three other women from M&G and I will tell you that they are gorgeous people. Anyway we head off to the photo-shoot and surprise surprise I feel like I’m finally in the wrong profession.

I mean in which office can you conduct a photo-shoot and find the kitchen lady cooking for you all at once. Wait not a kitchen lady but a COOK!!! Anyway back to the point…

Stand there…look at me…turn your face to the left but look at me…now turn it to the right and still look at me…tilt your chin up…higher…give me attitude…wait a moment…there better…nice…move the board a little down on the left…good…okay that’s it!!!

And it was all over as fast as it began…so really how hard can it be being a model?

Well from the few friends I know who do it as a living it is harder then the simple shoot I visited on this day, but maybe this little shoot will make me famous lol (I doubt it – all they wanted was my chubby cheeks *giggles*). The whole trying to give what the public want to meet instant gratification is definitely an ugly business. The modelling world is no different but this is one area I will not foray into in the near future.

On a different note…we are heading to Polokwane, to see in the new President of the African National Congress and most probably the new president of South Africa. No matter what our opinions maybe with regards to the two distinctive candidates…I think many of us are forgetting about the other issues.

What about the ANC’s future plans, those that the new president will implement. How will they look to govern the future and the lands and people in it? Will they take a new stance on the policy of HIV/AIDS in South Africa or will we still be lead down the road less trodden? Will the economic inflation and interest rate hikes continue? Will women get equal opportunity or not?

Theses are the ultimate questions we should be asking but we seem so caught up in the one of who will rule that we have left these on the wayside. Sure the new president would be the influential power but he will not be going at it alone. These few questions come from a bigger pot that needs asking and these questions will ultimately then decide who will be the ruler of South Africa come the next elections.

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