Loss
I've experienced loss on many levels. But the finality of loss is even harder to bear. The ultimate type of loss to me is that of death. And some how everyone i know has experienced it one way or the other.
So whats the whole point of this...well my helplessness is the point.
My non-worthiness (another made up word i know) and my uselessness at not being able to find the right words and to make it all okay. A dear friend loses someone who means the world to them and i can't find the words to make it all okay. Utter helplessness i guess is what i feel. I wish i could give the said friend a huge hug and hold friend close and say it'll be okay but i would be lying...its not okay to lose it hurts like hell and years down the line it'll still hurt. the most i guess i can do is to let said friend know that they not alone and that their friends are there if they ever need to talk or to be held...a hug goes along way (o so i think)...but then again who am i to think????
I only have lost a few times and the one that i still feel the most about happened almost a decade ago. To think 1992 seems like yesterday to me *sigh*... proves the point that loss always remains within you and the pain you felt then you'll feel a million yrs on...
the most i can tell you dear friend is that you and your family are in my duas and so is every other person who has lost and who i know...
i find solace in my friends and i hope said friend will find solace in us....
mwah
XOXOXOXOXOXO
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Moments...
So i have been neglecting the blog a bit (according to some people) but honestly i haven't.
I just wanted the previous post to fester a bit :D
O well let me write...
Do you get those moments in life when its so peaceful and perfect...those moments when you alone and its only you and your thoughts??? I'm not talking about the period before you sleep but rather of the times when you awake...
Do you Get them????
Well i was lucky to have to such purrfect moments this last weekend...wel seriously just two such moments...and they were both in an aeroplane :D
Moments like those you just want to take out your pen and remember it all...but i couldn't... i let a perfect moment pass me by and i had no regrets about it.
When i should have been abale to write and express everything that sends me over the edge...i decided not to...My thoughts are my minds eyes...
Anyway on a different note...
I flew to Johannesburg this last weekend for an interview (i think my new employers are reading this :) but i still gotta write what i want too). The interview was awesome...though i felt out of depth for a bit, and maybe i came across as over chatty and a know it all...but honestly I'm not i have to keep learning and experiencing. I guess thats the main reason i wanted this job so badly. I want the challenge!!!
I honestly don't want to move to Jhb but if i have to i have to and this oppurtunity is too good to pass up...i'm lucky and fortunate to get it so i'm gonna grab it with all i have and hopefully learn more then i ever did at campus. (Campus lies when they say they preparing you for the future...its all a hoax i tell ya!!!!)
So guess whose the new junior at Mail and Guardian.....*Zah grins from ear to ear* :D
I promise all my friends to see them before i leav glorious Durban...but till then i am madly busy...still gotta giv in resignation letter...find accomodation...get me some wheels...and try and find my footing....
PEOPLE PRAY FOR ME
*efg*
*Me Evil* |__|
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My Dream
Would Some one please buy me these bikes!!!!!!!
The new 1098 S has achieved the status of the highest performance Ducati street bike ever by reducing weight to the max and adding world-class components to an already record-breaking design. If owning the ultimate Superbike is your dream, the ‘S’ is ready to deliver."
Rant and Rave (R&R)
Yah this is the kind of R&R i want...
A place where i can release built up frustration, and some how sooth and calm my soul.
So what you may i ask do i wish to R&R about...hmmm lots and at the same time nothing at all! yah exactly i want to R&R about the nothingness part of it all.
I was standing at the bus stop the other day... yes people i wait at the bus stop...and i was just enjoying the moment of solitude. Watched the cars go by and the buses (I was waiting for the mother peole!!!) and wondering how they seemed to pollute the same f%$^ing air I was breathing, but thats not the issue here. The issue is that i was actually enjoying this alone time of people, bus and car and the occasional bike watching. I could see people laughing, talking, fighting and kissing (Bus stop is near a robot sillys) in their cars. How differently we all see the world move by.
The other totally soothing thing about watching all this was that it began to drizzle. Me i love the rain (I LOVE H2O). Was desperatly wanting to play in the rain. Can you imagine me running between cars lol how much fun would that be...except on a main road i may get jailed *sigh*.
So have i gone off on a tangent or are you guys still following along in my mud?
The whole point of the above is to enjoy the simple things in life. And everything has its own beauty even the ugly.
My other R&R has to do with the fact that my friends don't seem to enjoy each moment as it comes. Why do they have to place in context with something else? Like I know sometimes i do that as well, but honestly can one not enjoy a moment with out worrying about someone else or something else or thinking if only the situation was different?
Are all humans ingrained withthis sense of 'publicity'? hmmm
O well screw them and screw the world i'm gonna enjoy each moment as is and when ever it throws itself at me...why bloody not?
I will def continue this R&R session...I feel so much better already :)
*ME EVIL*EFG* l__l
(for those who get it...to those who don't f^&k this shit don't make your problems mine!!!)
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